there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
