you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
