I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have feelings that need drinking.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize