I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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