they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
