Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize