our cab driver is having phone sex.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
