I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
