i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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