We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
