Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize