I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
