My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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