I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
