proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
