He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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