ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
