We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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