Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
