It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
