It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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