i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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