the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
