I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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