Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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