Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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