The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
