I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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