he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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