The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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