i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
