I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
