onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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