I accidentally had phone sex last night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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