Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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