It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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