"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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