did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
