Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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