Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
