she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
