Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
