Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
honey bunches of taint.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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