Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize