is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
