I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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