just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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