You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
