his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
