it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
