My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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