I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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