i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
