ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
