Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
