Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
