Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
