i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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