If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
