why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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