We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
