Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
