Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
