Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
