I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
