U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize