So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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