Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
