what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
