A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize