dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
