it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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